Yesterday I found myself wanting a glass or two of wine. I pictured myself unwinding mid-afternoon, toasting the weekend to come. I could see myself laughing and joking with people in the pub, while watching the start of the Premiership football season this afternoon. I remembered long, lazy Sunday roast dinners, drinking some wine and relaxing on the sofa to yet more football. I was not actually tempted to rush out and buy a bottle of wine, I was just yearning, remembering the good times.
There must be a reason why my home group is on a Friday night; I suspect it has more to do with it being the start of the weekend rather than availability of hire of the hall.
As I listened to people sharing back the positives that sobriety has brought them, my own memories and realisations came back. Every weekend I would inevitably end up sleeping on the sofa, having passed out and my husband being unable wake or move me. Mornings and even full days were spent trying to recall my escapades of the previous day, whilst drinking vast quantities of Coca Cola in a bid to rid myself of the hangover, before starting again. Arguments and screaming matches with my husband were frequent occurrences, occasionally resulting in visits from the police, worried that I was a victim of domestic abuse and frequently resulting in threats of leaving. I had no plans for the future and felt my life was going no where.
And now? Sobriety has brought me enjoyment of life. I spend more time with my son, playing with him or taking him out. I have enrolled on an Open University course in a bid to further my education and feel more fulfilled. My husband and I are yet to have an argument and we spend time talking together, like grown ups. Gone are the mornings wasting in bed feeling sorry for myself and making (and absolutely meaning) promises to control my drinking, only to break them hours later. I can meet up with family for a morning, no longer worrying whether I will be too hungover to make it or making plans to escape so I could start drinking.
Sobriety has given me so much; it’s just occasionally I need a little reminder of just what it has given me.